My 5 Yr Old Told Me She Was Being Bullied

You are probably thinking the same thing that I thought when my 5 yr old daughter said she was being bullied at Pre-K; I can’t believe this is happening already. Not being able to protect and shield your child has to be every parent’s biggest fear but to have to worry about it so soon? How could it be? Let me begin by saying I don’t think my daughter is being bullied. Her statement was that “(Not name dropping) said she is jealous of my clothes because she doesn’t have them and that is not nice. I don’t want her to bully me”. I have to admit that the word bully coming from my daughter’s mouth as I was arriving to the school surprised me and I responded by downplaying the significance of her classmate’s opinion. “Don’t worry about what (that kid again) says. Only mommy, daddy and the people that love you matter”. She nodded in agreement and we moved on to talk about more important topics like how Violet (her MyPal Violet talking bear) should wait for her until after school. Should she stay in the car seat or go in to work with me to help me with my job?

How do I explain to a 5 year old the complexities of the human condition? That most of the times those mean words come from a place of pain and hurt. That other people’s opinions of you are based on incomplete information and that no one has the full picture of you except you. How do you teach a 5 year old to ignore what other people say and stay focused on your own path? I don’t think you do. For one, I don’t think kids that age can grasp those complex concepts. I am 37 and can barely grasp them myself. I still struggle with it because I only realized this within the last 5 years. More importantly, I don’t want to rob my daughter’s innocence or jade her with my own past pain. Then I remembered that I keep a journal for my daughter where I write to her from my point of view. I do this because my dad died when I was 6 and I was never able to communicate with him. He didn’t leave me any of his wisdom, thoughts, concerns, feelings, struggles, wins, fears or perspective. I never got his side of it. I didn’t want that for my daughter so I started a journal so if anything ever happened to me, she had my words. She has my perspective, my struggles, my hopes for her & more than anything, how much I love her. I decided to let her know how I felt about what she told me today and after I was done writing, I thought maybe someone else needs to read this. I think everyone, not just kids, needs to apply these principles. People might just smile a little more.

Excerpt from the journal:

Hey There Kiddo,

I had to take a quick sec to write to you. This morning when we were driving to school, you were telling me that some girl named (still not saying it) was bullying you in school. You said she said that she was jealous of your clothes or something. It doesn’t matter. Whatever people say to you or about you doesn’t matter. Not without context. What I mean is you have to look at who its coming from. Is it a friend? Someone you care about or respect? Is it someone who doesn’t matter? Kids and adults will say and do mean things. You cannot allow that to be about you because its not. It actually has very little to do with you. It’s mostly about them. Think about it. What drives someone to say something mean to someone else? Pain does that. You don’t do that if it is coming from a good place. Remember that before you react and get mad or sad. Think about how much hurt that person must be feeling to want to pass that along to you. Think about that and feel sorry for them. It is not about us but our pride & ego will make it about us & force us to respond or retaliate. That leads down a path to more pain or even worse - violence. Don’t go down that path. Instead, travel the road less traveled. The path of humility & empathy. You can free yourself one of the worst jails I’ve ever been in. The prison of other people’s opinions. I let other people’s opinions of me change and alter my decisions which led to more trouble. Whether the opinions are positive or negative, don’t let others move you off of your path. You steer the ship. Your opinion is all that matters. Not mine, not mommy & for sure not some punk kid from school. You know who you are & what is in your heart. No one else. That is why no one else’s opinion matters because they do not know the whole truth. How can the? They aren’t you. This also goes both ways. You don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives so before you go judging someone else, remember that you know shit either. this is a simple outlook that if you implement early on in life, it will save you years of pain & stress. You’re the best kid in the world - my opinion.

Love you mucho,

Dad